Parenting In a Neurodivergent Family: Embracing The Role, Rising to the Challenge, and Loving Fiercely

When I first stepped into the role of raising my grandchild, I felt a rush of emotions — love, nervousness, overwhelm, and a deep sense of responsibility. Parenting again, at a time in my life when many are slowing down, was not in my plans. But when I learned that my grandchild is neurodivergent (for those who may not always use the latest buzzwords this is in reference to children and adults whose brains work outside of what is considered “typical”, Neurotypical  - Brains that work in the mainstream way. Neurodivergent - super cool brains that operate with increased sensitivity, creativity, awareness, focus and a whole bunch of other awesomeness - ADHD, Autism, ect. SUPER COOL!), in a different way than my son,  it opened up a whole new path — a path filled with both struggles and remarkable rewards.

Today, I want to share a bit of that journey, in the hope it resonates with other grandparents who find themselves in a similar role. Parenting a neurodivergent grandchild is not a road we chose, but it’s a road we can travel with compassion, patience, and an abundance of love.

Embracing My Grandchild’s Uniqueness

From the outset, I made a decision: I would not view autism and ADHD as disorders to be “fixed” but as a unique way of experiencing the world. Instead of trying to make kids fit into a neurotypical mold, I chose to appreciate them for exactly who they are — a creative thinker, a deep feeler, a person who finds magic in the details that many miss.

This change in view transformed not just them, but me. It challenged me to appreciate the rich diversity of human minds and to become a more patient, understanding caregiver. These kids have opened my eyes to a world filled with possibilities I hadn’t noticed before.

Rising to the Challenge

Raising a neurodivergent kiddo isn’t without its struggles. There are nights when meltdowns last for hours, days when routines are upended by a small change, and moments when communication feels frustrating and confusing for us all. There are battles over wearing certain clothes, trying new foods, or simply transitioning from one activity to another.

But I’ve come to realize these struggles aren’t failures — they’re signals. They’re messages about what these kids find overwhelming or threatening, what their nervous system is trying to tell me. So instead of reacting with punishment or shame, I respond with curiosity and compassion. I ask myself, “How can I help them feel supported and understood?” It’s a dramatic shift from a discipline-focused view to a relationship-focused view — and it’s made all the difference.

Rising Above Expectations

Some people — even well-meaning friends or relatives — doubted whether I was up to the challenge of raising another neurodivergent child. “A grandparent shouldn’t have to do this at your age.” “How will you keep up?” “Will you be able to handle it?” But I made a decision: I would not let those doubts undermine me. I may be older, but I am rich in patience, filled with love, and fortified by a deep resolve to do whatever it takes for him to flourish.

My grandchild and my son are not problems  to be dealt with; they are people to be nurtured. The role I find myself in is not a punishment — it’s a privilege. I have a unique opportunity to profoundly shape futures by honoring who they are and helping them grow into the fullest, brightest, most wonderful people they can be.

Finding Support and Staying Empowered

Raising any neurodivergent child is a journey you do not have to travel alone. I’ve gotten much-needed support from therapists, autism advocates, parent groups, and education experts. I’ve made peace with asking for help and letting people into our lives who can lighten the load and provide expertise when I need it.

Support doesn’t undermine my ability to care for them; it strengthens it. It lets me be the parent, grandparent, and caregiver I want and need to be — a loving, empowered caregiver who advocates fiercely for them and for their future.

Final Thoughts

Every day, I learn more about patience, adaptability, and the power of love. Parenting a neurodivergent child is not the path I chose, but it’s a path I am proud to walk. My son and grandchild have filled my life with a rich, deep, purposeful love — and in return, I am honoring them by helping them become all that they are meant to be.

Together, we’re proving that when you meet a child where they are and celebrate who they already are, there’s nothing you can’t conquer — not age, not doubts, not overwhelm. There’s only a future full of hope, understanding, and transformation.

*Jeana Lavallee, Wearer of many hats, Kin Mom, Edie's Gigi, Autism mom*